Regret??

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel you have made the correct decision all along but later on, you realize that it turn out to be the exact opposite?? How would you feel? Would you regret that you have ever made that decision?? Or would you continue to be egoistic and live on, telling yourself that you're proud of making that decision and are willing to face every repercussions which come along with that decision??

Signed, Sealed, Delivered..

Signed my name on the dotted line today... And so, I had sold my life to MOE... Haha.. Oklah, the briefing I attended juz now was ok... Still need to write them a letter to defer my entry to NIE coz I'm pursuing my honours... Troublesome man...

Anyway, first thing I zoomed in when I was given the contract was the salary.. Money man, money.. Hmm.. Don't know whether to complain or not.. Haha.. But since I'm goin to pursue my honours, whatever reflected on the contract wouldn't count... Nonetheless, I had slowly started to plan my future based on the approximated figures they had given.. Hmmm.. Pening pening!!! Think it's goin to even be more confusing when I have the money in hand... Lots of temptation in this materialist world...

Got back another assignment today.. This time for Europe.. Rather satisfied with the grade.. 15% man... But I think I'll screw up the other two assignments which adds up to 35%.. So at least this one will buffer my grade... Oh well, it's a fourth year module anyway so I don't really expect much from this module...

Okie, got to get ready for class.. After that, goin to pia my last assignment for the semester.. Yippeeee!!!!

Smile!! You're on Camera...

Smoking in NUS has always been prohibited... However, we smokers don't really care.. We have several crooks and corners where we would take a break and smoke...

Having just finish my assignments, I decided to take a break and smoke.. I was at the library and so I head for the nearest smoking point which is behind The Grinning Gecko... Half-way thru' puffing, I turned to my right and what do you know, there's a CCTV camera attached to a post, disguising itself as a lamp post.. Sheeshh!!! That was never there before.. I quickly shifted to an angle where it is a blindspot for the camera..

Damn!! Why are there so many of such cameras being installed around NUS now?? There's one also installed at the walkway leading to the 'Hell' at the Arts canteen (The place got it's name as it's a smoking haven for smokers in the Arts canteen).. As a result, if I want to have lunch and take a puff after that, I have to choose a seat where I'm being blocked by a pillar from the camera...

Thank god there's no camera installed, as of yet, at the smoking point outside LT11.. If not, it would really make life difficult for us smokers.. But one thing for sure, technology can never outwit humans' agencies.. There would be blindspots where the cameras aren't able to cover... So go ahead NUS.. Install more cameras and waste more money and then increase the fees further... We are just going to have more fun playing hide and seek!!

RX Water my foot ah...

Ok this is the first time I wrote 2 entries within a day.. What compelled me to do so?? Well, I can't do my Europe essay coz' my mum and two sis are watching this vcd telling about the effectiveness and how good "RX Water" is.. (Read: Brainwashing) and I simply can't concentrate while hearing the absurdities that were transmitted from the telly...

I think very few of you know what the hell is RX Water. Well, supposedly, it is this filter which you fix into your tap and it will purify your water from all chlorine.. It claims to heal anything from high blood pressure, to skin diseases to even heart diseases... Can you believe that?? Everything... I'm sorry but that is simply too much to believe..

I think the person who come up with this idea is very clever though.. Why do I say so? Well firstly, it is easy to claim the effectiveness of this purifying shit because as we all know, water is an essential element in our life.. Thus, his market size is infinite... No need to worry about getting "halal" certification also..

Next, consider this... The producers claim that you are not allowed to sell the water.. You need to donate the water if you want others to try.. So the only way to get this water is by installing the filter into your taps... Clever?? Cunning?? What did I tell you huh... The filter costs S$1K.. Imagine if the water could be sold... Nobody would want to install the filter right since buying the water is so much cheaper..

Next, the main target: Old, Malay and very religious people... How to reach this people? Simple... Just use a few key religious terms such as: "InsyaAllah", "alhamdulillah", "tawakal", "berselawat", etc, etc... Also, add in scientific words like "ions" for example.. Looking at the demography they are targeting, these are the people who we could say are very cautious in embracing modernity and thus the producers of this filter (a.k.a. nonsense) psycho them by conflating religious concepts and notions as well as scientific and chiem terms together with the product.. Convincing and confusing them simultaneously.. Outstandingly smart ass!!

Next, producing vcds (which is irritating the hell out of me as the women in my family repeatedly watch them) with ordinary lay people and even "ustaz" and "ustazah" providing their testimonies to this product.. How touching if you are to watch them.. Some cried, shedding tears as they relate how the water miraculously cure them of their illness... Excellent marketing tactics!!! People always like to see miracles and happy endings..

To me, this thing is pure crap shit... It's like a placebo.. Whatever you take, if you believe that it will work, half the battle would have been won... It's all psychological.. Well, just let wait and see how long this RX Water is going to last in the market.. My prediction: Give it three more months...

In the mean time, I was thinking of buying tic-tacs and selling them as wonder medicines... Anyone wants to be in my vcds to provide their 'testimonies'?? I'll give you some commission.. Hehe...

Sports and Fitness

Went for a run with one of my student yesterday morning... He wanna train for his up and coming cross-country.. While waiting for him to reach our meeting point, tried to do some chin-ups.. What do you know? I can do 2 times more chin-ups as compared to 4-5 months ago.. Haha... Need to train some more and get the gold for IPPT, and dat includes the $400 incentives that comes along with it..

Think my overall fitness is at its finest ever since ORDing... This despite me smoking so much more.. Think because I'm more conscious about my fitness level (and also my waistline.. Lol...) Well I'm not the sporty kind and my sporting achievement when I was younger was very pathetic.. Juz see the list below the list of honours I had achieved so far..

Secondary School

Inter-class Badminton Silver Team Event (Played and lost all the double matches. Got 2nd becoz' of my singles players..)

Junior College

Carrom Men's Double Bronze (Dat if you consider carrom as a sport...)

National Service

Inter-Company Soccer Runner-Up (Played as the crazy goalie...)

Inter-Company Captain's Ball Champion (No surprise.. The goalie again.. Nickname: "Long Hands")

Pathetic huh?? Haha... The thing is, I always have big dreams.. But as always, they didn't materialize.. But for now, I'm beginning to enjoy running and have half a mind of partaking in this year's Army Half-Marathon..

My goal: To better my personal best timing of 2:00:11 hrs...

As for now, I'm nursing my right foot which seem to be injured after yesterday's run... Hahaha...

2A3 Marche' Meet-Up

(Left Pic: Lilian, Me & Mike; Top Pic: Jo, Dot & Liam)

It's been 6 bloody long years since I met up with my JC classmates... Finally, we decided to meet up though only 6 turn up... (At least, 1/2 of the guys turn up.. Lol...) Nevertheless, it was fun catching up with them and finding out what they have been up to all this while.. The best part is when all of us try to crack our brains and remember all the people in our class... That activity shows how bad some of our memories are.. Heheh.. Anyway, we have arrange for another gathering and this time, hopefully more will turn up (although there are some we don't really look forward to meet up... Kekeke...) especially our Civics Tutor and Geog teacher, Ms Kat Tan.. 19th April, that's the date and it's at Little Bali, somewhere near to where our school used to be located at... Ohh yah before I forget, thx Dot for the CD!! Love it!!

Prior to the meet up, the Wednesday went by pretty much ok.. Met up with Jib for a 'long lunch break... (his favourite hobby.. Lol...) He showed off his English test result.. As always.. Lol... You owe me a treat bro coz' if I hadn't recount your marks, you wouldn't get the highest mark for the class... Got back one of my own mid-term test result as well... Geographies of Social Life... Was grateful of the result but neither too satisfied nor saddened by it... It was that kind of result which is just okay... Hopefully the other test and assignments would turn out to be better...

Well, what do you know, March is already more than 2/3 thru'... Can't wait for it to continue and marched away (pun intended.. lol..) April, April... That's the month man.. That's my month.. A lot install for that month... Can't wait for it!!!

Almost Here

You got to listen to this song though the MTV clip did the song a bit of injustice. "Almost Here" by Delta Goodrem (Australian Darling) and Bryan McFadden (Ex-West Life member)... Felt in love with this song when I first heard it... Below is the lyrics... Just imagine me singing Bryan part will add more 'flavour' to the song.. Lol...

-------------------------

[Verse 1] (Bryan)
Did I hear you right?
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

[Bridge 1] (Bryan) (Not in this mtv clip)
Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

[Chorus] (Delta)
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's, not enough
But when I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

[Verse 2] (Bryan)
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me

[Bridge 2] (Delta & Bryan)
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

[Repeat Chorus X 2] (Delta)

[Instrumental Break] (Not in this MTV clip)

[Bridge 3] (Bryan & Delta)
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

[Repeat Chorus X 3 (Outro) ][Delta (Bryan)]
But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears, 'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

-------------------------------

The Invisible Tuggings

Looks can be deceiving. What do I mean? Every square inches of me are being stretched and pulled by the invisible tuggings of the multiple identities I possessed. Felt like I’m out of shape, distorted and contorted but still I appeared, to the naked eye, as being untouched and unscathed. A rubber band can either lose its elasticity or snapped. What would be my fate and destiny then? Wanted to scream in pain but the voice just won’t come out. It’s trapped within. Locked up inside. The world is oblivious to it. Even if a small whimper managed to find a crack and escape, it won’t make much of a difference.

More than 20 hours since I had my last wink. 10 more hours to pull through. But can I be assured that it’s only 10 more hours? Can I be sure that the other invisible tuggings aren’t lining up behind this current one, waiting to chew off whatever is left of me? The eyes wanted to close but the mind had other ideas. The body seems to side with the latter. Why? Superman? I don’t think so.

Turning 24. A time to be more responsible and independent. But does being more responsible mean taking up all responsibilities, shouldering others as well? Does claiming more responsibilities allow others to throw or even shove it up your face more responsibilities? Does being independent give others the liberty and the opportunity to be dependent on you? Questions, questions, and more questions.

Got a glance at today’s paper. There’s an article about Alfian Sa’at. A great writer and poet. Love his piece entitled “The Racist’s Apology”. Why did I mention about Alfian? Hmm…. Oh yah. His ability to craft his inner most feelings into words. How I wish I could do just that. But I am what I am. Someone who isn’t able to express clearly what’s deeply buried inside into words. As a result: Trapped!!! Grinding my teeth as the tuggings continue while visibly remaining unperturbed and unruffled…

You're Beautiful

Was going through the list of names in my handphone when I came across this person's name.. I send her a msg and still waiting for the reply... After almost a year, somehow, she's still stuck in my mind.. Too bad she's taken and very not available.. Well, wanna wish her all the best... She's getting married this June... Too late Fadzly, too late..

This song was a hit back then when I first got to know her... James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"... Not so long ago lah... The lyrics in a way describe how I feel towards her... Sighz...

The wait is over...

Came back from school at 4:30p.m. today and check the mail-box. There it is!!! A letter from MOE. A sudden rush of emotions began to cloud my head.. Happy to receive the reply, anxious to see the content, all prepared for another disappointment. Somehow the simple task of tearing an envelop became a tough job indeed. Shred it apart and unfold the letter. My eyes were scanning the letter at such a fast speed but it came to an immediate halt when it reached this portion of the letter which says, "I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected for a permanent appointment to the Education........"

I GOT IT!!!! Yes!!! Finally, the excruciating wait is over and my prayers had been answered... After four attempts, I finally made it.. I wanted to shout for joy but prohibit myself when I realized that I'm in public space... I thanked god repeatedly... It's really hard to explain how I felt and am still feeling now.. It's beyond words...

Came back to an empty house as my whole family went to grandma's place... Sms the good news to two of my best buddies... God knows how many times I re-read the acceptance letter. Then comes the second good news. Instead of English, I am being offered to teach Social Studies as my second teaching subject. The first one is Geog... Awesome!!! I waited for my whole family to be back before breaking the good news to them in person... During prayers, I was totally overwhelmed by emotions... Couldn't hold back the tears as I 'talk' to god...

I am thankful for what had been given to me so far and what I had achieved but at the same time, I know that I shouldn't rest on my laurels.. I need to try and work harder as there are many more things that has yet and could be achieved... InsyaAllah, with god's will, I will continue to work hard and hope one day, I could provide a good life for my parents and family...

 

Tulang Gathering

11th March 2006, it's time for the 6th Tulang Gathering and it's my turn again to be the host... To those not in the know, the Tulang Gathering is generally a meet-up which is organised once every three months.. We are a group friends, with our respective partners, (me, Isk & Sarlyza, Wan & Maya, Ezril & Mas and Ab & Sofie) who used to be instructors of Kilo Company in BMTC 1... This tradition of eating tulang (bone-marrow) started way back when we were still serving NS.. Then, it's to mark the end of every batch of recruits we had taken... After ORDing, we continue this tradition... Some may ask why never eat outside.. Well, it's a messy business eating tulang therefore, we decided to take turn to host... Besides, we could just relax and feel at ease to laugh ourselves silly in our own homes...

Unfortunately, Ezril and Mas could not join us for this round of gathering due to unforeseen circumstances.. Nonetheless, the gathering went on... I had to buy the tulang at Beach Road Market before that... I hate buying at the front stalls becoz the mamas will fight for you and it's very irritating.. So I make my way to the back stall and where there's less competition between stalls...

The appointed time was 8:30p.m. But, as expected, not all come by then.. Well after eating, we sat around while looking at the pics from Wan & Maya's wedding as well as the DVD video footage of their special day.. Set off to Lido to catch a late midnite show afterwards... Didn't ride my baby phantom coz Wan and Sarlyza drove... The movie was crap man!! Don't ever watch Nanny MacPhee... Why watch that show in the first place?? Well, we don't have much choice... It's either that or Cry Wolf which were available at that time and some of the gals don't want to watch the latter coz it's gory... Ah kau, tak nak tengok tu kan.. Amik kau... Cerita merepek.. Lol...

But, though the movie wasn't fabulous, the great company kinda compensate for it.. It's simply fun and great to meet up with these guys again... Can't wait for the next gathering though... However the next Tulang Gathering won't be any sooner in the future.. By right, it should be in June but because of the series of wedding, among the group (Isk & Sarlyza June '06, Airul & partner, Sep '06 and Ezril & Mas, Dec '06), that has been scheduled, we have yet to come up with the next gathering date... But I'm certainly looking forward to the next meet-up, tulang or not...

The mtv clip for this posting is 'Iris' by The GooGoo Dolls.. A song which we heard over the airwaves and sang together in the car on the way back home... Peace!!!

A space to remember the late Nonoi

Watched the news on Suria yesterday about the late Nonoi whose body finally was buried yesterday.. Couldn't help but feel a tinge of sadness... Then this morning, the pictures in Berita Harian is just really too much for me to handle.. As I read the articles and see the pictures, I couldn't help but to think about what had happened 10 years ago... The pictures in the newspaper is almost similar to a scene that I, myself had experienced... In a way Nonoi's funeral reminded me of the loss of one of my twin sister... It's really hard to imagine how devastated the parents might had felt... Their very own being murdered savagely at the point where her corpse is beyond recognition... How cruel can one human being be towards another, especially to an innocent child...

As we all share our grieves with those related to the late Nonoi, let's not forget also that god loves her even more.. Let's pray so that her soul could rest in peace... May she will become one of the fairies in heaven... Amin

Waiting waiting...

It's been 16 days since I went for the MOE interview... Still waiting for their reply.. According to some of my friends, earliest I will get a reply is two weeks.. Two weeks have since pass but still nothing.. In a way it's good also coz there are others who say that the rejected ones will get a reply first.. But still, the anticipation is killing me...

For those not in the know, you probably thought that I am impatient.. But there's two reasons why I'm feeling like this.. Firstly, it has been my passion from god knows when to teach.. Secondly, this year is my fourth attempt... The first three attempts I was rejected... Then again, the first three attempts were more based on the rights to obtain a MOE scholarship... This time round, it's more about clinching a place in NIE... But then again, after getting rejected three times, I don't think I can handle being rejected again... It's different somehow as compared to getting a driving or riding license...

However, I still need to find alternative options.. I was thinking of joining the Singapore Police Force if all attempts of getting into NIE fail... What do you think Naz?? Lol... I just can't imagine myself working in stat boards such as the URA, STB or NEA... Neither could I imagine myself signing on with the SAF...

Then again, for now I'm just playing the waiting game, checking the mail box everyday without fail.. I pray everyday for my dream to be realised and I hope all of you would do the same for me as well...

In the meantime, I was checking the calendars and it reads 48 MORE DAYS TO EXAM!!! Now, this I can wait.. Lol...

Khun Ruu Mai Khrap

Don't know what struck me but suddenly I feel like searching for Thai songs which I had listen to during my numerous Thailand trips.. Found this song by Sek... Though I prefer the duet with Bird Thongchai version, this is the only clip I could find for what can be called my all-time favourite Thai song.. Below is the lyrics in Phonetic Thai...

Khun Ruu Mai Khrap (Do You Know)

Pliang kee con taa
Cay ko sang way
Kham thii phuut pay
Cay bang klap maa

*Yaak hay khun ruu way
Waa ko khwaam thii song pay
Klan maa ca cay
Faak pay taam sai lom
Khun ca ruu bang may
Kern nii phom noon mai laap
Khun ca ruu mai khrap
Naa khun lor yuu teem faa
Yak hay khun too maa la tri sawat
Phuut chat chat sak kham waa rak
Kee nii khong may lam baak kern pay
Chai may khun *

Daw ko suay dii lom kop hat yen
Yaa thii way aing pen chan tuk wan

**

Zeus... The helmet or the Greek God??

Was at Royal Crown Plaza Hotel's surau, praying for my asar just now... Placed my helmet at one corner.. After finished praying, I went ahead with the doa.. All of a sudden, there's this man who asked me, "Whose helmet is this?" I paused for awhile in what I was doing and said that it's mine.. He asked me to come over... I put up my hand signalling him to wait till I finish with my doa first...

Didn't know why he called me to come over.. Maybe my helmet was not supposed to be place there?? When I came over, I was shocked and taken aback by his question, "You know what does Zeus means?"

I was surprised and speechless.. Zeus is the brand of my helmet you see.. I said that I didn't know.. He then pointed out that it's the name of a Greek god.. Yeah, then I remember... He continued by telling me off about we, Muslims, only have one god and yadah yadah yadah...

What did I do wrong? Yeah my helmet's brand may be Zeus... But Zeus could connotate many different meanings and open to multiple interpretations.. It's not within my intention to be blasphemous and to believe in other gods.. Fine, he might interpret it to be in that manner and I will apologize if I had offended him but that was never my intention...

I began to have a mix feeling of anger, shocked and amused.... Not wanting to create a scene, especially in a surau, I just say that I didn't know and left the place.. I don't mind people sharing their points of views... I respect his point of view... I mean if he want to boycott the brand, I will surely understand why.. He might think that I am shallow and not critical but in my opinion, it's him who is shallow and narrow-minded..

Like I've said, it's not my intention be blasphemous and I don't know about the 'missionaristic' intention of the company which manufacture the helmet... To me, it's just a brand.. If my intentions and conscious is clear and good, I don't see me being in the wrong...

I feel that if people do want to share his/her points of views, he/she should be open to others' points of views as well.. This incident really make me reflect about people.. Especially those who embraced the same religion as me... I feel that some of us are just too narrow-minded and not critical.. Certain words could have multiple meanings and certain symbols could be represented in a variety of ways... Why can't people just accept that fact and stop shoving their opinions up other peoples' throats??

It kinda upset me a little bit.. I came to the surau with good intentions but I was being wrongly judged.. But this ain't going to stop me from wearing that helmet anymore.. Neither will it deter me from going to that place again to carry out my prayers... Oh god, I just pray that you would give the opportunity for these type of people to be more open-minded... Amin...

Running out of steam

Was pretty tired these past two days... Missed Friday prayer yesterday because I had a tutorial from 12 - 2pm... After that, I went for the Geography Majors' Tea Party.. Only plan to go there because of the pre-honours briefing... After gobbling down the refreshments, I immediately left the room... Had to do interview lah.. Anyway, thanks Kelly for that awesome interview...

Today was terrific.. After so long, I finally met up with Jib and Raz... Went to catch Big Mama 2 with them at Causewaypoint.. Damn funny man the show.. A good show for you to relieve stress and just laugh yourself silly... Head down to Singapore Satay Club at Sembawang after that for a quick bite.. I went back to Jib's house to play winning eleven for awhile.. Have a good chat with his mum... Long time since I catch up with her.. She's somehow like my mak angkat already...

I could see that next week and the week after would be very packed for me.. Numerous assignments coming up... Looking forward to next Saturday though... Tulang gang meet-up at my place... Yeah!!!

Well, I seem to be running out of steam already, all energy in me appeared to be zapped up.. I hope I got the mental and physical capacity to push on further... Enough of blogging then and back to work....

Normal Mode Again

It's amazing how things would eventually turn out to be okay... What my friend, Danial, says is right, every problem will come to an end..

Anyway, today has been great.. Managed to accomplish alot academically wise... Well, after coming back from school, met up with Nazri.. He was visiting his grandma who lives 2 floors below me.. Apparently, little Nadra was having a fever yesterday.. Kesian... Well, at least she seems a little bit better just now.. Don't worry bro, it's part of being a father I guess, tending to your daughter...

Took a nap before going for tuition.. If not for my best friend Najib, I would have missed it... Luckily he called me at the right time... Thanks bro... Went for tuition and found out the kid which I just taught this year finally passed his Maths.. Not only he passed 1 common test, he passed both the common tests administered to him.. Well done kiddo!! Not that I'm adopting a typical Melayu attitude where obtaining a pass is sufficient but it's an improvement from his past performances.. Things like these are the ones which encourage and motivate me further to become a full-time teacher.. It's that little difference that spur me on...

Well, my life seems to have improve a bit... Like to thank all those who have been there for me during that depressing time.. Can't be what I am now without everyone of you... But, what I had went through in the past could serve as a learning point which I will treasure dearly...

By the way, my elder brother is finally tying the knot.. Alhamdulillah... Finally, I got the room all to myself.. Kekeke... But really, I'm quite glad that he finally going to settle down.. It'll be on the 18th of June... Let's pray that it will be a successful event...

Lastly, I managed to find this MTV.. It's sappy I know but I can assure you 9 out of 10 of you definitely had at least like this song before... It's "Stay The Same" by Joey McIntyre... Enjoy!!

Why are all these happening???

What has happen to me?? I seem to have change yet again..

Firstly, I have seem to lose interest in my studies.. Maybe my brain is getting over-saturated... I want to graduate but I can't... Lately, I have been rather boh-chup with regards to my group projects and assignments also.. What happen?? I hate people in group work who leech on others.. Have I become like one of them? I'm really sorry for my group members if I really have turn out that way.. With this realization, I managed to secure a few interviews for my projects and get more contacts to assist me further in my projects just now within a short span of two hours.. That seems more like it.. The old Fadzly who always try to get contacts and do the field work for assignments, working hard to not only complete them but to ace them as well...

Secondly, I seem to get depress more easily now.. Why??? That is the same question i ask myself and it buries me deeper into depressant each time I fail to make light out of it.. Should I stop questioning myself?? I just can't.. My pillows could probably bear testiment to the amount of water I lose every night...

Thirdly, my appetite has shrunk tremendously.. Normally, I could gobble up 2 fast food meals during lunch but now to complete one would be difficult and I would feel the urge to vomit.. I nowadays eat only 1 - 1.5 meals a day.. The effects are slowly showing... I have lost a bit of weight.. Also, I begin to smoke more and more... It does help me to relieve my stress but my chest feels heavy at night.. It doesn't affect my fitness as of yet but the question is, why are these happening? Am I trying to self-destruct myself??

Lastly, what might be a good point, I begin to get myself closer to god.. I had sinned alot in the past... Not that I could assure that I will never sin again but after what had happened to me and my life lately, I think that it's about time that I seek guidance and comfort from the Almighty. I'm turning 24 soon... I guess the time when I try and experiment stuffs is up.. But being closer to god doesn't mean that I will turn to be a conservative geek.. I will still be radical and critical about life...

This entry might not sound coherent but this somehow reflects the state my mind is in now... Oh god... Why are all these happening to me?? Is it a sign?? I don't know but whatever it is, I hope that this feeling of misery will end soon...